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Saturday, May 29, 2010
 been... ages? lol.. *sigh* i feel like ranting.. so here i am. Life is.. crap.. actually crap seems like a very mild word. I hate it. I despise every moment of being here.. every decision i need to make.. every problem I get to face. Because.......in the end, someone gets hurt. Not just a little hurt.. but massively hurt. Why cant things go my way for a few moments... or the right way.. -_- its ridiculous... ive pretty much lost hope in everything... seconds fade..minutes ...hours tick away...days fly.. most of the times i dont even know what the date is... whats the point of a life like this? ...where all I can ever manage to do is... hurt others... make wrong choices.. its pathetic...how much longer can i go on like this... i wish i could just find an escape... just for a few minutes.. where there'll be nothing but serenity.. ... *sigh* sacre bleu.Labels: blah blah, meh, rant
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6:18 PM
Monday, July 27, 2009
 soo..well.. since i have lotsa time to spare these days.. ive been thinking... thinking a LOT.. about stuff that has happenned over the last few years... .. lol i still remember promises and confessions i made to myself in highschool.. its rllyy funny how they seemed soooo very very possible and true back then.. and come time.. as in now.. lol ... everything is quite the opposite? =P>.> which ofcourse.. may not always entirely be a bad thing.. not saying i am happy with life right now.. but =] i am holding up and smiling everyday.. so.. that must show something, right? .. But ive come to realize.. being as alone as i am.. without siblings or pets.. etc .. memories of what ive had and done is what keeps me going.. and i realize the most now... when i find myself being truly uncomfy around people.. as far as i can remember.. i have always been a people's person... loved company.. meeting new people. .. Well. Not anymore.. -.-lol.. i guess.. as time passes.. people change.. but what we forget is.. our past never can change..
.. Must learn to accept that and ^^ hold on~=D yay for 4:00 am rant!!! bai<3Labels: blah, mew, moo, quack, rant, wuf
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3:46 AM
Wednesday, July 22, 2009
 ^^ HiHi~
x.x boredom can be sooo evul, ne?
...
Well, not much has been happenning in my "current" life. Gonna be starting at the new university pretty soon... its a lot smaller than the one i was in for my first year. But then again.. this one is private.. =/ i managed to get $10,000 in scholarships and grants.. and will be getting those each year i stay at Newman. x.x Supposedly, this uni has the best science program.. and anyone who gets in as pre-med.. becomes a doctor.. so.. lets hope it has an effect on me..
I started volunteering.. since i cant rly work out here.. ive started off at this place called Center of Hope.. and will eventually move onto a nursing home near my uni.. and after that.. to an actual E.R. inna hospital.. .x.x.. i guess it would be a good experience.. going into med school.. but.. ill have to prep myself a lot for what i might see there...
=/ i think working-out has made a difference... i seem to be more in shape.. x.x not more active really, but.. just looking better i guess... hopefully a few more months will kill all the chubby-ness~
nothing else to do here really.. =/ ppl are weird.. kids are weirder.. too much drama.. thts why i hate small places.. big cities.. ppl mind their own business.. over here.. everyone else's business.. is your business...x.x ugh.. w/e.. anyways...
i guess i am just gonna wait for something magical to happen.. and bring excitement into my life once again -.- ...
>.> so.. here was my.. 4:00 am rant.. x.x it reminds me of a song.. one of my most favourite ones.. 4 Am Forever.. by Lostprophets..
=] anyhow~
iMissYewAll~ <3
Bai<3Labels: blahness, bored, mew, rant
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3:55 AM
Friday, May 22, 2009
 x.x heyy~ k so.. it turns out that my parents suddenly got the summer bug.. and they wanna run away from Wichita... =/ i dont rly blame them... so like.. we're leaving for Dallas tmrw... an approximately 6 hr road-trip -_-;;; ... my poor butt~ =[ but like... i prolly wont be online till Tuesday now... x.x what sucks even more is... poor Puppy finished all his work and assignments yesterday... so we could actually talk tday and spend some time together...=| not getting much time lately.. BUT~ ...my parents made sure i was busy allllll dayyy... they even got mad if i entered my room for 2 minutes! @_@... they made me pack... prepare fooood...x.x find gifts and pack them.... all the stuuuffff... and guess what... WE'RE STILL NOT DONE!!!!! @*&#*@&#*@&#*@(#&~!!! soo... i was busy doing that allll day long... but Puppy said tht it was fine and he waited for me almost all day ><>< .... ><><><>< ...and when i finally thought i was free.. Dad announces we need snacks for the trip and drags me to the store 11 at night ><...I was feeling sooo bad... cuz Puppy was still waiting for me to come on... so i went n told him that i was being dragged out.... and i even asked him if he'd wait a bit longer.. n he said yesh.... ...but once i came home...x.x and finally crashed... exhausted... i saw he wasnt there...>< he didnt even leave a msg or anything... ....x.x i feel rly bad~ thank goodness Nimmy was there...=D she kept me company for a bit...but then she went to sleep...x.x which i should be doing to.. atm... =[ i'll miss you all!!!! =D ill take lotsa pics and show them! Until then... take care and missss meeee <3 Dallas~ Here I Come~!!!!!!!!! Labels: dallas, fun, puppy, sad, trip, vacation
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2:25 AM
Tuesday, May 19, 2009
 hey~ Been a while... but.. i feel like rambling a bit... so.. here goes.. I am sure most of us can actually relate to being in situations where we have no choice or control. Well.. let me assure you, that my life has become such a situation.... Its stupid really.. i dont get told things that are absolutely my business.. recently, i got told.. Oh! You're transferring to a new university.. But...it doesnt really matter.. Because you dont have any other choice... Yea..right.. its absolutely not... but when time comes for my performance and crap... EVERYTHING is my business... because ofcourse they were being kind enough to grant me such an opportunity... and i was stupid enough to not match their standards... I've changed so much... it hurts me now.. I am not the kind of person who trusts people anymore... my own parents and family to be exact.. i lash out so easily... and.. i think they get it when i do.. I hate being this way... i dont like arguments and pesky fights... i reaallllyy dont... I despise that crap. Then why is my life being turned into a living hell?... i cant even... do anything... because i literally dont have what it takes.... how do they expect me to go on with this attitude they have forced me to develop?... it kills me inside every bloody day.. ...bleh.. well.. i guess all I CAN do is hope.... for mercy... even a moment of mercy & peace... i miss everyone <3 I hope you are faring better than me~ *mwah* Labels: anger, blah., idioticness, rant
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2:48 AM
Wednesday, February 25, 2009
 O_o....mew~ kaayyy....so Koikz....says i shud write here more often....sooo..i decided id write about my day...everyday.... well...tday started off as usual....i got up...went back to sleep...woke up again 10 mins later...x.x then went back to sleep...then opened one eye....saw the time....and.... GAAAAHHHH!!!!!! x.x duh~ i was almost late.....went to uni...=/ almost slept in my bloody Linguistic's class.... theeennn i rushed home...to get some sleep...=O found out i was homealone!!! xD theennn...ran around the house, ate, watched CSI xD ...O_o taaalkkkedd....to....aheeemmm....yea. xD thheennnn....o_O i worked....and.....got a stupid call frm my doctor....=) blahs~ ^^ welll...now m sitting here....editting....my essay...=X ZOMG~~ NANA nana na SURBAIIIBUURR!!!! xD *glomps koikz* =O thus, until tmrw~ FAIR WELL~ MWAHz~!!! Labels: blah blah, day, meh, rant
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12:15 AM
Thursday, December 18, 2008
 *sigh*
k...so i am FINALLY free -_- ..NOT. ..I am leaving for Pakistan this Sunday..i have sooo much to do...i still havent packed...=( ...i am fairly excited ...i havent been back ever since i left...its been...so long...x.x 8 long years....o_o woah....8 YEARSSS DAMMIT!!!! @.@! and...x.x i am obseeesssseeedddddddd with *squeaks* JAEJOONG!<3<3<3  O_o well....i have always been actually...xD its just...more now...lol...x.x i really need to sleep....=/ well...i guess i CAN write more tomorrow...because i know i wont get much of a chance once i am in Pakiland = ...>< .. x.x Mirotic....Joongie came up with the name..xD isnt he awesomely creative?...><...lol...well heading to bed now~ gnyte =) mwah~ <3 Labels: free, mew, rant, travel, xD
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3:42 AM
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*sigh*